That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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