dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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