You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
