Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
