This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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