i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
