we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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