The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
