the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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