I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So squirting runs in the family.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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