How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
