I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
