What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
