you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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