He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
