Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
