I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
