Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
