Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
