My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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