do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
