Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
