Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
