She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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