So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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