I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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