Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize