Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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