Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am spending my child support on dildos
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
