so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
