Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
