How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
