i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
