Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
