okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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