So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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