I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
