My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
