just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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