he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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