I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You should frame my arrest warrant.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
