i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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