I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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