No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i drank out of a bidet.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize