whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
