She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
