Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
