Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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