I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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