Can Purell be used as lube?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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