end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
