We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
