You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
