i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
