have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
