Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
