i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I touched a dick in church today
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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