He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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