Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
