It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
