Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
