that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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