my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
