I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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