Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
