We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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