Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
