this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
