Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
