me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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