pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize