Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Found your dick twin last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
