shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
