There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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