just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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