I hate your face
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
