I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
