She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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