uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
