Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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