bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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