Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have tasted many bathrooms
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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