they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
