Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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