that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize