An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
