i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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