maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
