im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
