SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
