I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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