then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
