porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
