Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
vagina is talking i cant
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
