I have demons in me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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