when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
