i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
