i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
