I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
